remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
