Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize