He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
