So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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