Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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