Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
