I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
