Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize