I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
