you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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