I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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