i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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