My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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