you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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