why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
