Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
