Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
