Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
