she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
