Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
