I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
