I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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