HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
