someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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