I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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