Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
