I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
