Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
