you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
