summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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