I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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