Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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