Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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