TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
