Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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