i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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