Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
