Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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