the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
