I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Fuck appropriateness.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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