Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
