Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
