Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
