she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
