nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
