If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize