You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
