i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
