I just saw a hot homeless man
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
