my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
