are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
