i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
