no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Four minutes until I can fart!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
