my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
