I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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