I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
