So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
