I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
