So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
