Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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