A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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