Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize