the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
