So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
