why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
