It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
