i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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