I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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