shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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